Why We Need To Engage, and How Carrie The Musical Helps Us Do That

I’ll be honest. Talking with youthful islanders about Carrie The Musical was remarkably easier than talking to adults. Begging the question, why? After three weeks of chatting people up, I’m beginning to craft an answer to that question.

“When you hear “teenager” and “validation” together,” asked Nate Mollison, lifelong youth mentor, parent and skateboarding enthusiast, “what comes up for you?” Kids shout and cheer in the background, their bodies flying through the air as they dip in and out of the new BARC skating bowl. “Two ways people miss the mark,” he says, answering his own question, “overthinking it and trying to find the right thing to say, which isn’t what that other person actually needs. Being present is the main thing.”

Nate’s thoughts are mirrored by Greg Thompson, a longtime mental health counselor at Vashon Youth & Family Services. “I’m trying to help adults understand the importance of validation. You can’t tell someone else how they should feel. You want to meet them where they are at. Stay in a mindful state.”

In my conversations with adults across our fair isle and beyond, this need to slow down and listen came up again and again. So, what’s stopping us? After all, if a friend calls us up crying because her husband just left her...do we dismiss her? Pretty much, no! So, why do so many adults treat teenagers like they are, “just being dramatic?”

Melissa McCann put it this way, “The parent impulse is to say, you shouldn’t feel that way, everything is great, if you gave other kids a chance they would like you...blah, blah, blah. Instead, my favorite saying is, “Bite your tongue until the blood runs down your chin and listen.”

That is harder than it sounds because, when our children hurt...we hurt. Greg Thompson has worked with hundreds of island families during his time at Youth & Family Services. “Even when you believe a child is over-reacting to something,” he explains, “you can’t dismiss them...you need to validate their reality at that moment.”

Many of us “know” the power of reaching out to a person who may be suicidal. We have been told the importance of asking the question directly, rather than beating around the bush. But still, it’s scary! Greg Thompson says, “It’s important to tune into people and sense where they are at in their despair and even ask the question, Are you thinking of killing yourself?” But, how many of us have done this?

“From my personal experience,” says Nate Mollison, “one of the most difficult things about being an adult is not knowing what to do. And feeling like there aren’t many ways to help out. And so, without knowing the answer, the best option is to BE present. Authentic, real presence...just living. Being there. Instead, a lot of parents react to what they fear will happen. And that fear gets in the way. You can’t be present with your kids if you are caught up in your imagination of what might/can/could happen.”

“People want to shove it under the rug,” adds Greg, “but reality shows up in the mental health system and the educational system all the time.”

So, how can a book or a musical carry any value? After all, it’s not real. The actors aren’t going to sit beside you as your heart breaks...and characters in novels are mere words on a page, right?

Melissa McCann explains, “even if a teen doesn’t want to talk about something, just knowing that someone saw and offered to listen...that matters. And, when it seems like no adults care, reading about an adult character who does care; this can be very reassuring.”

Before you scoff at the idea, consider this: according to Romance Writers of America, all romance novels have a central love story and an emotionally satisfying ending. Who can resist the ideal romance & all the validating emotions that go along with it? Not many, given that romance novels make up 21% of novels sold!

Melissa McCann, who has published several sci-fi, fantasy, and horror novels elaborates further. “I have a really hard time with parents who say, It’s sink or swim! They’ve got to figure it out for themselves! Well, that’s great if sinking is an acceptable option. Some kids sink and some kids kill themselves and some kids, as they are sinking, take the entire school down with them. Whether we’re talking about the real world (Columbine) or the fictional world of Carrie White...this happens. Far better for children to learn that powerful lesson in a fictional setting.”

This is one reason why Melissa McCann believes Carrie The Musical is a powerful opportunity for Vashon Island. “The act of going to see the play is your signal to your kids that you are seeing them, that you care, and that you would love to listen to whatever they want to talk about.”

“I am interested now,” Nate Mollison says, “I don’t typically go to live performances, but the perception of these young people? How they are viewing the messages contained in this play...makes me think it’s worth taking another look at.”
We, the parents and cast hope that you will agree and join us for Vashon Youth Theatre’s production of Carrie The Musical.