Things I can’t control

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…"

It occurs to me that I could probably save a lot of time and energy by ceasing to try to control other people. It’s a relief to think about doing that.

If you want to drink, I won’t try to stop you. If you want to smoke cigarettes, ditto. If you want to smoke weed – well, I wouldn’t have tried to stop that, anyway, but you’ll be glad to know that I won’t be horning in on that, either. I might not want to hang around with you while you are using these substances. Where I hang around is often something I can control, thank goodness.

If you want to be a Republican, a Democrat, a Libertarian, a vegan, whatever politics or religion or non-religion, knock yourself out, kid. You won’t be hearing from me.

Also, I will not try to stop your eyes from being whatever color they are, your height and weight from being what they are, your thoughts from being what they are. I don’t care about your sexual orientation, your marital status, the music you like, or the people with whom you keep company. I will not interfere with or try to alter any of these things.

I hope you feel as much better about this as I do.

Trying to change people is an attempt to control them, and it feels good to let go of the idea. Oh, I have knee-jerk control fits – hard to overcome the habits of a lifetime. It is apparently a natural human response when someone’s behavior is annoying or frightening to try to change that person’s behavior. It might appear to be the quickest way to make yourself feel better, getting someone else to change so they don’t hurt or annoy you. Well, speaking as one who has gone that route, I can only say: hah.

The quickest way to make yourself feel better is to realize that people do and say what they do for their own reasons which usually have nothing to do with you. Mind your own business. Concentrate on making yourself happy, and by that I don’t mean temporarily cheering yourself up. I mean being true to yourself, doing your work, giving yourself a break, living as honestly as you can so that you have a clear head and a light heart. Meet the world with decency and kindness, and show other people the grace and kindness you hope to encounter yourself. It couldn’t hurt. If my telling you these things is perceived as an attempt to control or change your behavior, I assure you that’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m passing along a little hard won wisdom, that’s all. Take it or leave it.

These thoughts are not original to me, of course. I had to be told to mind my own business years ago and have been working on doing that ever since. Minding my own business does not come naturally to me. I am by temperament a nosy sort of person who reacts emotionally to other people’s actions, and runs around in circles screeching. Well, quietly, and inwardly, that’s what I’m doing.

I learned a lot about minding my own business by making the transition from Mom to Mother of Adult Sons. That was the hardest letting go for me, but now I have a mantra I repeat to myself: they are adult men. Leave ‘em be. They seem to appreciate it when I do mind my own business. You’re welcome, guys. I would appreciate it if you’d give your old mom and dad a call now and then to tell us how you are (you know who you are).

Sixty-four years on planet Earth, and what have I learned? That life is better if I mind my own business. I was presented with the idea many years ago, but as a priest once said to me, that few inches between the head and the heart can be the longest journey in the world.

Mind your own business. Be kind. Walk in faith. We’re all in this together. Amen.