Patience, and Waiting, and Living in the Middle

My little cubby brings me such happiness. I really love how it’s situated. The light is always perfect. Flowers grow easily when I’m there to water them adequately. I’m surrounded by that which encourages both industry and pleasure.
The Grand Adventure has proven to be a wise change of direction in my life. Although I do have thoughts of hearth and home, I cherish the hours I can spend doing my thing in the perfect environment.

How tired was I from my first Holy Week as an Episcopalian who also had a book release and was co hosting/ co sponsoring a major fundraiser?  Well... Sunday afternoon after all the festivities were over I was too tired to even go into my office so I decided to just take a nap in the car in the lovely perfect sunshine.

I awoke, out of a deep deep sleep, to a man with blue gloves pounding on the window surrounded by two fire and rescue cars and an aid car and five paramedics of varying persuasions all blue gloved up. Someone had apparently reported a suspected dead person in a car. They were grateful to find I was only dead tired. I was grateful to have roused myself enough to avoid getting zapped with the paddles or, at the very least, CPR’d.

The book...my goodness... fifteen years to print!

Slow roll outs require patience, and waiting. It used to be I was a duct tape and a hammer kinda gal. (yes I know the brand is duck...but do you know how complicated it can be to use a registered brand name in writing) Then when I was trying to learn to be more present, I went into a rhythm that had moments of contemplation punctuated by bursts of excellent accomplishment.

Finally I learned that if I was truly going to live the well lived life, I was going to have to forsake  American culture’s, White ruling class’ s intensely driven high functioning forward at all costs lifestyle, that usually requires adult beverages or pills to make it work,  for one that had a commitment to deeper living.

I must confess I am still a high achiever.  But I have learned to stand up for myself and to live deeply.

When I moved on to the Island, twenty years ago, if you came up to me while I was eating lunch and told me ‘That is absolutely the wrong thing for you to eat” and took my dishes fully loaded with food to the sink and dumped them out, I wouldn’t have said a thing. No sense of self worth.

It has been downright amusing to me that I have somehow earned a reputation for being insubordinate or strong willed. Hell yea! Let’s hear it for the boomer white woman who now says ‘no’.  I found out I can be kind AND stand up for myself.  Very important information. No more being a scapegoat, thrown under the bus.

Patience, and waiting for goals to be accomplished while infinitesimal steps are taken towards them, means you have to develop the art of living in the middle. One is neither slow nor fast. One is deep. Deep is its own speed zone.

Deep living requires learning the difference between sharing your narrative, and sharing your heart. sharing your heart. Sharing your heart can be saved for a trusted few, but sharing your narrative deepens your everyday walk, if you dare to share it.

The Grand Adventure is part of my faith story. It’s part of my family business history.

Go deep. Avoid shallow. Avoid superficial? Avoid appearances. Dig deep and live from your heart. And if you don’t know where your heart is, just set a spell and listen to the silence, the thin silence. You’ll find it.

Well...think about it at least.  It’s not a bad way to live.

Love,
Deborah