The New Bed

The dog really likes the new bed. The new bed has a full-sized mattress. This mattress came to me as gift because I was griping about my wonky back and my old mattress that was causing the wonkiness. The person listening to my griping, a dear woman, said, “Oh, I have a mattress I was given that I can’t use. It’s practically brand new. Would you like to have it?”

Oh, yes, please. Thank you, dear woman.

The old mattress, after long years of faithful service and accompanying surrender to gravity and a bit of mold, was taken to the dump. The new mattress is nice and firm and mold free. Ah.

The dog was a little confused at first but she adjusted beautifully to the new smaller bed. The old mattress, you see, was king size. You never knew who would be in or on the bed when you woke up in the old days – kids, dogs, cats. After a few years when the kids seemed to have permanently moved into their own beds, I pushed for downsizing our bed but Rick refused. He figured as long as we had dogs who liked to sleep on the bed, he needed a king size mattress to guarantee his own sleeping space. He was a working man, dammit, and he had to get his rest.

He had a point. We had a Doberman/Pit Bull mix named Sadie at the time, and sleeping with Sadie was a lot like having a full grown deer on the bed. Now I feel like I do not need a king size bed anymore, not for me and one dog. The cat only stops by occasionally to drink out of the water glass on my nightstand, so he isn’t taking up any room. I keep a bottle of water with the lid on there for myself. Not a big fan of drinking cat spit.

When taking the old bed apart I figured I’d run into stuff that had been lost in the deep recesses under the bed for a long time, and I did. There were dog toys, and two or three little things from when Rick was still alive, including a prescription container with a few sleeping pills, a roll of paper medical tape, and one of the iodine-infused caps that went on the end of dialysis tubing. Wow. Precious memories.

Rick has been gone for two years this month. I’ve been watching the date approach like a storm front coming from a long distance.

I know now I’ll never not have a profound sadness at heart because he’s gone, but things are different. It is more comfortable not being deranged by grief, for example, but that takes time and the process can’t be rushed. Gradually the changes come. I’ve been able to get the new bed, and I was able to sell Rick’s truck. Letting that go was hard. Even though I am ready to make changes, doing so ruffles up my feelings. You do not get off easy in this life.

When Rick died I promised myself not to make any big changes for at least two years after his passing. Now the two years are almost up, and I’m reviewing where I am and where I want to go. For now, I’m happy where I am.
I wish you a Merry Christmas, or however you observe or don’t observe the tilting of our hemisphere back toward the sun.

Which is backwards, of course. The earth is tilted the same, but we’re going into a different part of our orbit around the sun so our hemisphere will be nearer the sun. The days will get longer and the air will get warmer. In a few weeks I’ll be out looking at the tips of the crocuses breaking through the soil. Life is good, and so far, death has not been able to keep it down, and however you do or don’t think about it, that is the way it is.