Finding Good People

The day dawns...well I don’t know how the day dawns. It hasn’t happened yet. There is this, however. Today is all about the fulfillment of Promise, so I guess whatever the weather is will be fine by mine.

For twenty years, my lesson has been to watch people do the wrong thing, the immoral thing, the self serving thing. It has broken my heart and broken my back, but it did not break my spirit. In fact my spirit is stronger than ever.
My heart is broken because I ache for people who have a life where the personal best is not what they have enjoyed. Dawn must feel like an oppressive weight to them. Not much works out in the end when a person is making wrong choices that do not add to the world, but rather take away, choices that only serve the self.  

My back is broken because my life is made so much more difficult being in the direct path of people. Over and over again I have had to deal with situations and not get to forward motion in my life because other people’s ‘stuckness’ or fear or narcissim or ignorance or arrogance was in my way like a hand up to sunshine in front of my eyes.

Except for the last six months. In the last six months I figured out, well...God’s Grace of course...how to circumvent imprisonment and get free.

There, in the fresh air of independence, I found the most valuable experiences to be the ones I had been stockpiling along side of the obstacles of who M. Scott Peck , the author, once called ‘People of the Lie’.  

With trumpets blaring and flourishes of aromatic bouquets of fragrant flowers and the laughter of innocent children, let me reassure you that finding good people is enough.

All along the way, I have been loved and supported and encouraged by good people. And so as I walk out of the desert and put my toes into the cool green grass of the other side of the fence, I can tell you two things. A. It really is greener on the other side of the fence. B. There are more good people than people who are making the wrong choices, immoral choices or self serving choices.

For the world, that is enough. Here’s why it seems like they don’t exist sometimes. They are quietly adding to the world in ways that don’t seem large in and of themselves.

How would I define a ‘good person’?  

First and foremost, they carry the truth of their own story. For whatever reason it has been important to them to own their baggage with authenticity. It allows them to be in the present moment. They have emotional flexibility. They can be connected to others in ways that draw authenticity out into the world.

That connectedness, that awareness that how they behave can cause health or harm in another’s life makes them careful about the choices they make. Selections are not rooted in pacifying anxiety or masking pain. They look at what will be positive for both them and other people.

They are not afraid of sacrifice for the greater good, either the good of those around them for progress towards some goal.

They have worked to heal from hurt. They are honest about what burr is in their soul and seek to root it out and heal from it. The process does not deter them from proceeding forward in ways of maturity and  strength. They don’t use anything to dull the process. Instead they pace themselves and nurture themselves and reward themselves with healthy recreation.

Failure is seen as opportunity not shame. Success is tempered with gratefulness. Today is a promise and tomorrow is a gift.

They can accept a compliment knowing it is neither a crown of thorns nor the key to the city. Balance is important to them.

OK--- so those people, they are the ones who lifted and encouraged and reflected back goodness, and held Promise when I couldn’t hold it myself and laughed with me when distraction helped me take one more step and rejoiced when I actually took that step and placed my weight on the other foot for another.

If you have friends who do anything but help you connect to your story in ways that are not authentic or ways that are compensatory or ways that hurt others, then they are not friends. Tell them thank you very much, and move on to new relationships.

The book that first kept me going and now has brought me to a place where life is more good than bad has two pages of acknowledgments. Every single person mentioned was absolutely key in the keeping, the writing, and the publishing of the book plus the fifteen people mentioned in the dedication.

You see the other part of this horrible, awful, no good , very bad past twenty years has been learning to let myself be loved and cared for.  My mentor and brother from another mother, the late Bruce Larson, said it was the first thing I had to learn to do. Being hurt repeatedly in my childhood and adolescence had made me fiercely independent and self reliant. He said I had to learn to not be an island. Ironic I would learn others care in good ways, not just self serving ways, while living...well...you know.

I  have to go now. It’s time for work. The day is dawning... the day is dawning....the day is dawning and there are good people in the world who will celebrate with me today. They have filled my heart with joy.  I am loved for who I am. I can boldly go into a new and bright unknown because I am not alone, on so many levels.

Love, Deborah