Father’s Day

Father’s Day. Whew! As I think I’ve shared before, in our family my youngest dubbed it Moofa Day about ten years ago . It stands for Mothers Who Are Fathers Day. True to form, my beloved daughter sends me Moofa greetings every year.

It’s not easy being a single Mom raising a son with an absent Dad. Me and Denzel did a pretty good job. I found that any Denzel Washington movie could spark the conversation I need to prompt about his feelings and insecurities and dreams and passions in a heartbeat. My son Isaac is an amazing person with a heart of gold who has endured much and risen victoriously above it all. He’s a Father now and that crowns his passions in life. Before he was even married he would tell me about his rapport with children and before we moved to the Island, he was a much revered babysitter of boys. A rare commodity in an untrusting world.

My own dad was a sweetheart of a guy. I was the apple of his eye. It’s the reason I have resiliency and cheer and faith and courage. But I actually didn’t know how much my dad loved me until I was leaving for a year in Europe a month after I turned seventeen. Standing next to the purser’s office on the SS France, I could see his shadow in the archway of the gangplank staging area. Suddenly he switched from leaving me there to rushing to my side and giving me the biggest hug he ever gave me. There is nothing that can change your life’s direction and information as much as finding out how much you are loved by someone.

Seeing Isaac with his son that first year was an amazing miracle. I rested in the comfort and joy of every moment. You never know how your kids are going to do after a crisis until you see their choices and behavior. He was a natural parent.

He told me once I raised him to be ‘a sissy’ = his words not mine= because I made him talk about his feelings all the time. Perhaps an overstatement. I made him talk about his feelings when his y chromosome and testosterone gave him that 30,000 watt jolt every parent of a boy between the ages of 11 and 19 knows about. In the middle of his teen years when he became the go to guy for his gal pals who needed to talk over their boy troubles, he didn’t mind so much.

Ah... y chromosomes and testosterone. It’s a false patriarchy we have in the world. DNA and chemistry have bullied over a fact that doesn’t get a lot of press. Men don’t rule the world because they think they’re hot stuff. Men rule the world because inside they are most of the time feeling pretty insecure and threatened everyone is going to find out.

That’s the truth we don’t tell. Pick a despot, or maybe a tyrant, gigolo, corporate hound, ....whatever, and inside is a guy who feels like crap. It’s all bluster. It’s all fear; fear of life, fear of being found out,fear of death. They’re in charge because they’re overcompensating. Build yourself up by tearing someone else down. Tried and true practice in over half the world’s population = and some alpha females.

So how, ‘suddenly’, did we end up with a generation of thirty something guys who kinda like modifying their work schedule to be with the kids more, can cry when they need to, and a greater intolerance to the world of greed and corruption? Well, now, how old are those guys’ mothers and what was happening thirty something years ago? Remember that women’s lib movement everybody thought was going to ruin the world that sent women out with floppy bows and power suits and sent the kids to daycare?

Those women apparently raised boys and girls who have softer hearts and at least a modicum of vision for a softer gentler world. I meet Dads everyday who really like being Dads as a full contact sport.

Hmmm... so that’s one thought.

Here’s another. If we want more peace in the world we have to tell boys ‘you ARE special’. The people who started those soccer trophies for all the kids on the team were women who were married to men who were frozen inside. They wanted every kid to know they ARE special. The knew th ekey to freedom and peace was men who were present and mindful = to use the current term= and liked themselves. Contrary to what that very popular Youtube commencement speaker said, we can change the world by getting the message through that each person has value and is a unique unrepeatable miracle , as one of my mentors use to frequently say. The only problem with telling kids they are special is that we don’t , as adults, tell each other that enough. It doesn’t matter what any of my four kids have done, I will till my last breath, tell them they are fantastically talented and a gift to the world.

Most blustery people are enormously insecure and have no idea they are anything other than a blight on society. True Dat.

There are two big tasks adults must learn in life. One is to give a sincere compliment based on accurate observation. The other is to learn to receive a compliment. Inh order to do that you have to know you are special and so is everyone else. Special leads to the aspiration to be excellent

Peace is special. So are you. Work for peace today. Tell someone they are special and work with them towards excellence.

Love,
Deborah