The Best of the Best

So… this column was going to be the annual spring look at substance abuse on the Island combined with Mother’s Day and On Being a Woman thrown in.

And then the word came… this may be the last. A ten-minute moment of panic. I had just texted my youngest son to ask permission about sharing his favorite memory of his older brother. When they were young, Isaac was in a position to intervene for Joe on a baseball field and let him run with a pinch hitter when Joe was afraid of the ball. Isaac kept Joe safe. Is that not the best memory? My youngest daughter has a similar memory of her older sister Chris when they shared the bedroom at 331. Chris would get up in the middle of the night and comfort her when she needed it. Isaac and Chris always excelled at being good older siblings. Joe and Caity are better for having been loved that way. Isaac knew all about how Caity felt when the dad left. I told Isaac I would never let him be the man of the family because that wouldn’t be good for him, but wow… he took ‘big brother’ to a new height. Chris and Joe have helped each other understand ‘adoption’.

I love my children so much I cry with joy when I think of them all. Some people think they know them better than I do and have done more for them, but all they did was the Disneyland part: the part where you let them run around the park with their E tickets. Anybody can do Disneyland. The tough part is doing chores, and fears, and the years between 6 and 16 when their whole world concept is being shaped and you just have to keep introducing them to each other and telling them everything’s going to be all right and show them how wonderful the world can be if you take a risk…. A healthy risk that grows something good and worthy in you.

What would I say if these were the last words of mine you ever saw in the Loop?

I’d say let’s be better brothers and sisters to each other. The thing that made Isaac and Chris and Joe and Caity so good at being siblings was because there is not an ounce of co dependence in any of them. They have all had very different life stories but what they have in common is a love of reading, music, writing, and not an ounce of codependence. I drilled that in to them. Thou shalt not be co dependent. It’s what they’ve all come back to after they worked out their adolescent wanderings. And because of that, whatever dependency issues they had in their own lives they were able to heal from because they weren’t true blue partners in their own crimes.

We say a lot now, good stuff, about ending substance abuse here on the Island. But you know what will really help? We need to end co dependence. Whatever that means in your life, you need to end it if it is there.

Mind you, giving up or resisting co dependence will cause an uproar. Dependency based people kick and scream when someone says ‘no’. Don’t yield.

What we’re shooting for is interdependence. Remember that word. Learn skills, heal and reach out in interdependent ways. Find your definition of that. It is the path to inner peace.

What other words would I say if these were the last in the Loop?

I would say… be blessed. Enjoy the green. Disagree when you need to but don’t let stuff build. Because I’m a boomer woman I frequently let stuff build. You can say stuff more peacefully and be heard better if there’s a shorter list.

What else? Thank you. I would say thank you for reading this column, for sharing all the ways these words have been encouraging. That’s been the point of it all. My personal mission statement for this column was to offer encouragement and to speak of the things of God without lingo. The biggest thing of God is Love. If you can feel God’s love for you in the core of your inner being, you have everything you need my friend.

Fight against classism on Vashon. I’d say that. Frequent businesses that are the opposite of your ideological foundations. If you’re highbrow go to down on their heels. If your backwoods authentic, leave a big tip at a place with cloth napkins. If you’re all American go ethnic. If you’re green go to a place with paper napkins that aren’t made from recycled materials.

Bring more excellent off Island standards to our every experience.

Remember to be a tourist here at least once a week.

When someone gives you the frowny face that because you were in a meeting together two years ago you think is about you and actually it’s because they just got bad news…smile as if it wasn’t about you.

Tell someone you believe they have the courage to be sober.

Embrace the incredible privilege of living here and never take if for granted or think of it as a right….

And always remember tha there is a little alternative newspaper that could, that did, and hopefully will continue to bring tidbits of authenticity, and cheer and information to the little Island called Vashon.

You can find my writing on the Web at the blogs listed below. Next Fall I’ll be printing a collection of these essays under the title… "Love, Deborah" . Positively Speaking can be found at www.learn-grow-celebrate.blogspot.com. I’d love to hear from you: dha@lgcmin.com . You all changed my life. You’re the best of the best.

Love,
Deborah